Between Love
by Adi88
Summary: Akito’s life has been a balance between lines Ren doesn’t believe exist... Post-series, so CHAPTER 97 SPOILER and one other. Uses the song /Fine Fine Line/.


AN: So Katia-chan did "I Dreamed a Dream." Windswift did "Shinjitsu." Wow, those were both a while ago now… my point is, being a mushroom, it was inevitable that I would fixate on Ren after that, so here is my little story, trying desperately to say why this _Avenue Q _song reminds me of Akito and her mother without actually _saying_ because that would break the rules.

Dedication: Katia-chan, of course. The song, it is all her doing. It occurs to me that I've never heard the actual show's recording…

Disclaimer: Naturally, Fruits Basket is not mine. Nor are the lines about "because they need it" and "what are you/we now" - they're both Joss Whedon's. And whoever wrote the episode "War Stories"... Cheryl Cain! All hail _Buffy _and _Firefly_, for they are great.

* * *

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend  
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend  
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb 

There's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of time

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie  
And there's a fine, fine line between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye"…

* * *

Akito almost doesn't knock on the door. 

There are good enough reasons not to - it's her house, isn't it? Why shouldn't she just walk in? Or better yet, why not just walk away? Only then there are the reasons to do it - it is polite, and even if it won't start this out on the best foot (nothing will), it might make the foot less wrong. And she'd told Tohru she was going to, which meant that the next time she saw her, Tohru would ask how it went, because Tohru never forgot these things, and if she had to tell her that she hadn't gone through with it - she wouldn't, though.

She knocks.

Ren opens the door, so she's alone, or she would have had a maid do it. When she sees her child on the other side, she stops and stares.

"I want to talk to you," she says, and walks in before the door is closed in her face. The room is dark, and too warm, and smells of too much perfume over too much time - the window is closed, even in this weather, and the air still.

Ren closes the door behind her and leans against it, head tilting and hair spilling over her shoulders. "What, little goddess, could you have to say to me?" Her eyes glint like Shigure's, only more impatiently. He soaks in every detail and waits; Ren wants to cause pain here and now.

"I want to talk to you," Akito repeats, less certain. She had to come here - a defeat, being on Ren's ground. It will make her mother calmer, maybe, and more than that - to summon her away to Akito's rooms would be even worse. It just seems like less and less of a good idea now that she's here. She wonders how much it hurt Kureno when she stabbed him…

"Yes," Ren says, and she just looks tired and old. "But what is there to say?"

"Everything," Akito insists.

She smiles again, wide and warm, and it's so beautiful that it hurts. "Only if you're ready to admit that you were wrong about 'everything'."

"I was wrong about a lot of things," Akito allows tightly.

Ren puts her head back against the door with a low laugh. "I'm trying to think of something you were right about… let me see." She holds up a hand to tick things off on, though the gesture looks more like a game of Itsy-Bitsy Spider when she does it. "You were wrong about Shigure's feelings for you. You were wrong about the fantasy you were living in. You were wrong about everything you dedicated your life to, and the moment your grip started to loosen, your little 'juunishi' ran for the hills - not very much of the happily ever after you might have had if they had felt something real for you, is it?" She looks at her hands, the four fingers with all of Akito's life balanced on them, before closing them into fists, house of cards tumbling down and never worth constructing in the first place. "And what are you now, Akito-san?" Then she whispers, and maybe Akito doesn't hear it right - _"What are we now?" _

"I'm sorry for all of that," Akito manages. There, she's said that. One down, two to go. She thought it would feel different, like something had changed, but she was in the same room, with the same woman, having the same conversation they had been before she'd said it. They were just a little deeper in. "But it's done. We are where we are now because of it." She pictures asking as Tohru would, which usually works on most people, but Ren doesn't like - and wouldn't believe - weakness. She tilts her head back instead, and says imperiously, "I want you to forgive me."

Ren laughs, once, a lonely, harsh sound. "What?" And then she doubles over with hysterical cackles, like a witch in a children's movie, gasping for air.

"Stop," Akito hisses, knowing it won't do any good.

A few moments later, though, Ren does stifle most of the hilarity still bubbling over her lips like blood from a wound deep inside. "Water over the dam?" Her voice is sugar-sweet.

_You don't forgive people because they deserve it. It's done because they need it, _Akito reminds herself. "Well," she says, and stops because _he loved her more_, and then finishes, "I forgive you." She is still expecting, right until then - somewhere deep inside - that things will fall in place after that. As soon as she says it out loud, she realizes how silly that was.

She does take some pleasure from the fact that Ren seems genuinely speechless, and unable to burst into hysterical laughter or tears. She stares for a moment, and finally steps aside, skirt swirling with her hair, yanking the door behind her. "Get out."

Akito goes, because she wants this to be over, and then turns, stopping in the door and holding it open. "I won't keep bothering you," she states, looking at the other's neck in preference of her eyes. "But if you want to talk to me…" she pictures Tohru's smile when she tells her that she said it (and wishes she could so much as picture that look from Ren, someday), "Mother… then I'll be here. It's your wall now."

Ren doesn't try to stop her when she walks away, and Akito thinks about the last twenty-three years and realizes that she won't. Still… she'd tried. Tohru would be happy, and smile _like that_, and she would pretend that she was wrong about Ren (and about herself, because Tohru makes it so easy to pretend). And, after all, they do have a long time. Neither of them are going anywhere.

She can wait.

* * *

…I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime  
But there's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of your time 

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore  
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for  
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door  
And walk away...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not  
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got  
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love  
And a waste of time.

* * *

There. La, poor Shigure got no play whatsoever. Later, then. I think the important thing is that I finished all the fics I meant to before this semester starts! …With two days to spare. Hey, I still did it. 

So, since I was such a very good girl, I will to be rewarded with reviews now, yes? Please?


End file.
